MIDNIGHT RIDAZZ

TRUTH: I know no actual truth about the Midnight Ridazz. I am not one, I have never seen one, and I am six years late in hearing about them. Seriously.

HEARSAY: So all of this is via my man, S. S and I were in Silver Lake a couple nights back and nearly got ourselves run down by an extremely Hip dude on a bike. (I would have considered myself honored, seriously, but he missed us.) So of course, I start to comment on his cool vintage bike, but S stops me right there. “You haven’t heard about the new Hip bikes?” he says.

“What bikes?” I reply, intrigued.

“Fixed gear bikes. They’re all the rage. That’s what all the Midnight Ridazz are riding right now.”

“Wait, who?”

I was so distracted, I almost got run down a second time by a second awesome guy – this one on a fixed gear bike and everything! Dammit, what does a girl have to do to get hit by a hipster around here?!?

Anyway, as it turns out, the Midnight Ridazz are a real bike gang. They ride their bikes around LA at night, once a month. And if you think I’m kidding, just check them out: http://www.midnightridazz.com/

I guess they began as a group of 8 cool cats back in ’04, and now they ride 1300 strong. Of course, smaller rides get organized and go out all the time. Plus, there’s these things called Spoke Cards and some kind of No Rida Left Behind code? I don’t know.

BS and Speculation: In summation, these guys are way out of my league. They talk the talk, walk the walk, and ride the fuckin’ ride. Hell, sometimes they even dress up like zombies. So while I have mad respect for this bicycle brothahood, I also wanna know (and this is a little sick, I admit) what would happen if the Ridazz ever encountered a real live badass LA gang. Seriously, imagine it: 1300 Midnight Ridazz versus, say, 100 Crips. But, to make it fair, we'll put the Crips on fixed gear bikes. Oh, oh! Or, better yet, Midnight Ridazz vs. West-Side-Story-style Sharks. I’m thinking: rumble of the century? Yep, let’s make that happen. It’d be Hip as hell.

Hip! Recipe of the Week: Jonsi and Alex's Raw Strawberry Pie

So this week’s wondrous recipe has a special heaping helping of Hip. Why, you ask? Because it came directly from that god-among-men himself, Jonsi.

For those that don’t know, Jonsi – former frontman of Sigur Ros – is a half-mad, half-blind Icelandic musical genius. He and his boyfriend Alex also happen to be raw vegans, which means they’re the badest badasses on the block when it comes to food. They don’t cook anything. Ever. Hardcore!

How can I be like them, you ask? (My, you are curious today.) Well, fortunately for you, they make it easy by hosting an online raw vegan cooking show. And that’s where today’s recipe comes from:

http://vimeo.com/5744893

Now, you could just watch this video (and you should, because it's awesome and would make you significantly Hipper). Or you could follow the directions my roommate and I have listed below. Enjoy.

Ingredients:

1 cup almonds

1 cup dates

2 cups coconut flakes (unsweetened)

4 tablespoons coconut oil

½ cup agave syrup

2 cups strawberries

Special equipment:

One helluva good food processor and blender

Directions:

Crush the almonds, dates, and 1 cup of coconut flakes in the food processor. Jonsi and Alex blend the ingredients one at a time, but you’re welcome to try them all together. Dump them into a medium-sized mixing bowl, add 2 tablespoons of coconut oil, and knead everything into a dough with your hands. It will be a little crumbly.

Press the dough into an eight-inch cake or pie pan. Then, as Jonsi and Alex say, “build the walls.”

For the filling, blend the remaining ingredients until creamy. Pour them over the crust and refrigerate for two hours. If this is too long to wait, you can you use frozen strawberries to make the process faster.

Garnish with sliced strawberries and serve.

Ta da! Jonsi and Alex would be proud.

DAVE EGGERS

Truth: Author, screenwriter, and staggering genius, Dave Eggers is one of the great-granddaddies of Hip culture. His incredibly clever memoir A Heartbreaking Work…etc. came out in 2000 and rocked brilliantly misunderstood twenty-somethings everywhere. He also started the insanely cool literary journal McSweeny’s (it’s never the same twice!) and founded the 826 literacy project (he cares!). Plus, that’s right, now he’s writing Hip movies with names like Away We Go and Where the Wild Things Are.

Hearsay: In all seriousness, though, Dave Eggers was just one of the first people to articulately diagnose what post-college youth has been going for a while now, which is this: we just feel like we should be famous by now. After all, we did what our parents told us (before they died, sad) -- we partied and learned and made art. But now we know too much and we don’t want to actually work. Work would crush our souls! Thus, we want to keep learning! We want to travel! We want to eat a lot of interesting food and sleep with a lot of interesting people and write a lot of books and songs about it! Why doesn’t the world support this? Why hasn’t the world thrown itself at our feet? We are smart and pretty; why can’t you people see that?!?

BS and Speculation: The amazing thing is, to Dave Eggers, the world said, “Okay! We will pay you to do this!" And Hollywood lifted him to its shoulders. Which is, my friends, his true victory. It's not enough to demand something of the world. To be impressive, you have to get the world to agree to give it to you. And Eggers, who wrote a very funny book about very not-funny things (i.e. becoming an orphan, trying to raise his little brother, selling his soul), actually happens to have a rare, magical combination of three gifts: 1) knowing how to feel deeply, 2) being able to write poignantly, and 3) being able to make a living at it. Plus, he’s pals with Spike Jonze and David O. Russell. Hip Champion.

Hip Animals: OWLS

Having worked in a somewhat Hip retail store for almost a year now, I have noticed a running trend. There are a variety of animals that come and go with popularity almost on a monthly basis. Now, I'm not sure how the Hip animal is chosen or how it reaches its ultimate status of 'cool'; all I know is that once it is chosen, it is then plastered over every scrap of jewelry, shirts, sweaters, and home goods. Any person who has ever been in an Urban Outfitters knows exactly what I'm talking about.

For the longest time it was owls, and understandably so: owls are chill, they only hang out at night, are known for their wisdom, and live in trees. Just look at Owl from Winnie the Pooh -- if he isn't Hip then I don't know what is.

We are seeing a transition of animals right now, though. Owls are on their way out. I advise you to throw out or donate any and all of your owl paraphernalia before your friends see them and -- like true friends -- judge you. I cannot say for sure what the new animal to represent this selective community will be, but so far the ones in the running seem to be Peacocks, Octopi, and Canaries.

Hmmm. This is going to be an epic battle until one emerges victorious. I don't know why there has to be all this bloodshed, but I don't make the rules.

It is my intention to keep you informed as to what the Hip animal is on a regular basis; this way you won't be embarrassed by wearing a tiger or some shit on your cardigan. Because, really, why would you do that?

PICNICS

Truth: While picnicking has been around since the late 1600's and was finally popularized following the French revolution, today we can see picnics making a comeback. Hipsters love to dine al fresco. What could be better than to lay out on the grass on a blanket that's "been in your family for generations" with a vintage picnic basket, eat all organic food, and drink some PBR's? To you I say, nothing is better. That is unless you lay smack in the middle of the fuckin' park for all the world to see. I mean, what's the point of being that cool and not having anyone to see it?

Hearsay: Picnics are wonderful. I think even Adolph Hitler would agree with me on that one. In all seriousness, I myself will admit to partaking in the occasional picnic if the weather is nice enough, and there may or may not have been a picnic basket dating back to the 1950's involved. There's just something so liberating to having the wind in your hair whilst eating a piece of tofu sushi that I made back at my "flat" before setting out on this spring-day escapade. To kick off your sweaty Toms and run your toes through the cool grass just can't be beat.

BS and Speculation: With the increase in temperature in central Ohio, I have been seeing more and more ridiculously cool-looking people laying about on the lawns of Goodale Park. The simple reality of the situation is that we can't blame the Hip culture for partaking in picnics. I mean, anyone would do it if they had the copious amounts of free time that these youngsters seem to have; it's just their motives that I question. Are they doing it to be seen by the non-hipster so they may make them feel inferior by pretending to be inferior themselves? This is a phenomenon I shall never understand -- but until then I say, let them have their lawns, and their spring afternoons, and their juice boxes of wine. Dammit, let them live.

Hip! Recipe of the Week: The Good Salad

So there’s this little place down in the city called Good. It’s a microbrew and grill, so you can bet your ass they have amazing burgers and beer. Plus, it’s located a in a strip mall (which is very LA), and it’s impossible to park there (which is very Hip).

But since I’m a pseudo-vegan, I can’t eat their burgers. Thus, last time I was there, I was forced into one of the best decisions I’ve ever made: Good's Ahleia brown rice salad.

I tried to make it myself tonight, was successful, and have hereby set forth the recipe for your reading and eating delight.

Ingredients:

Red leaf lettuce

Red onions

Tomatoes (yes, preferably red)

Brown rice

Feta cheese

Tofu (firm)

Dressing:

½ cup honey

2 tbs yellow mustard

2 tbs lemon juice

½ cup olive oil

Directions:

So since this is a salad, it’s pretty easy. Yes, even you can do this. Start off by cooking the brown rice – either on the stovetop or in a rice cooker. I’m an idiot at doing it on the stove, so I just dump a cup of rice into the ol’ cooker with a two cups of water and let her rip.

While the rice is cooking, prep the dressing. Tonight, my roommate and I made this, but wound up having way too much dressing for just us. So either halve this or be prepared to save it.

Then, tofu. We pan-fried ours, by sautéing a little garlic in the pan, then slicing the tofu into quarter inch strips and adding it in when the garlic was cooked. Fry until the tofu is crispy and delicious-looking. Season with salt and pepper.

Then do your salad stuff in a bowl. Go easy on the red onions – they are potent! Be generous with your feta. When the rice is done, mix it in. Lay the tofu on top. Dress it lightly with the homemade honey mustard.

Muah! Enjoy and say to yourself, "Thank you, Good, for your salady goodness." Or, if you want to say it in person, go here: http://www.goodmicrobrew.com/

VINYL

Truth: Vinyl is what records are made of. Yes, records. Records records records. And when you buy a record, you need to play it on a record player. Are records and record players expensive? Yes. Is this an outdated piece of technology? Yes. Is playing a record annoying because you have to flip it over every forty minutes? Absolutely. Is this Hip? Fuck yeah.

Hearsay: I actually own a record player myself and can boast of a pretty impressive selection of records...which I will now unashamedly do. Ahem. I have at least four Cat Stevens albums, three Simon & Garfunkel albums, two Pink Floyd albums, and Led Zepplin’s In Through the Out Door. I also happen to own an original copy of Revolver and George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass. Plus! I have plenty of instrumental (including Holst’s The Planets and the lovely George Winston’s Autumn), not to mention movie soundtracks (The Graduate and The Sting, for starters). Now. Ask me how often I ever listen to these marvelously artsy musics. Just ask me. Yep, that’s right – almost never.

BS and Speculation: The truth is, vinyl only makes sense to people who really know music. Seriously. Ask somebody out at Rhino Records (I heart Claremont) or down at Rockaway (in the indie mecca of Silver Lake) about vinyl and they will talk your ear off about why it kicks ass. Which it does. But for the average cat like me? Yeah, I can’t tell the difference. The reason I have a vinyl collection, as you can probably tell from my above list, is because the music I have on vinyl I actually don’t own in any other form. If I want to hear Holst while I’m cooking my Hip pseudo-vegan food, I really have to put it on the record player. I can’t just plug in my iPod. Hell, my iPod is dead half the time anyway. Which brings me to perhaps the absolute best reason to ever EVER listen to vinyl – you never have to charge it. And laziness, my friends, laziness is Hip. Excuse me while I go lie down.