JAYWALKING

Truth: Jaywalking is Hip because it’s so blasé. Why, no, officer, I can’t walk down to that crosswalk. I’m too tired from lying around all day listening to my vinyl record collection. Plus, any activity that could hypothetically get you killed and/or fined a hefty amount of money is very cool. See also: cocaine and driving old cars.

Hearsay: The trick to jaywalking properly, though, is doing it in a Hip area. It’s not cool to jaywalk in, say, South Central. Or anywhere in the Valley. But jaywalking in Echo Park is a must. The other thing about jaywalking is that you do literally need to walk. You cannot – cannot! – run or hurry. Concern for your life/bank account is not Hip. Also, if you move too quickly, the rest of us will not get a chance to admire your beard, beret, and/or boots. Think of jaywalking as a slightly more dangerous version of a fashion show. If you cared about fashion, that is. Which you don’t. Of course.

BS and Speculation: What I don’t get, however, is why jaywalking is illegal. If we free-spirited twenty-somethings want to die by taking a more direct route to where we’re going, why not let us? I mean, let’s face it: LA is not exactly a pedestrian-friendly town to begin with. It seems inconsistent, at best, to suddenly try to protect walkers simply because they step into the street fifteen feet from a corner. Hell, we’re probably in more danger on the sidewalk anyway. Plus, making jaywalking legal would destroy its appeal, keep it from being Hip, and probably stop most of us from doing it altogether. Damn. I need to write a letter to my congressman. If I cared about politics, that is. Which I don’t. Of course.